Today on the show I am sharing how I processed a recent incident of feeling jealous in my life. So this is going to sound like a bit of a rant mixed with some empowering content and of course, as always, actionable tasks for you at the end!
The point of this episode is to show you that you are not alone in feeling jealous of something someone else has and there’s nothing shameful about admitting that.
Become aware of it and then take the necessary action to cope with your pain in a mature manner so that you can rise to your full and embodied potential as a woman, wife, and mother.
I am sharing my thought process and the decision I’ve had to take to unsubscribe from one of my favorite podcasts. I hope you’ll take what you’ve learned here into your life and implement it.
Feeling small, inferior or ashamed is a choice! You don’t have to keep bearing it like a cross. Protect yourself and your family from the villains that live in your head and become embodied, empowered and confident!
Sending you much love & healing,
It all started a few weeks ago, when I woke up in the morning feeling achy in my chest, restlessness, and almost like I want to scream, yell and tantrum all day! The opposite of happy, content, relaxed, calm, and all the desired core feelings that Danielle Laporte taught me.
So the first thing I always dois to check in with myself physically. Which phase am I’m on on my menstrual cycle. Can it be that hormonally I am out of balance? What did I eat that could have contributed to this feeling? Am I hydrated? Did I sleep enough? When was the last time I have had an orgasm? So after all of those things were in somewhat a check, I’ve jumped to the next thing.
What’s happening in the world around me right now? The holidays season! There’s anxiety everywhere! I have been feeling this in my own life but also on my calls with clients. The holiday season is stressful for all of us. So as an intuitive empath, I feel all of this stuff in my chest, and the way to fix or remedy this is simply to learn how to protect yourself energetically. It all comes down to boundaries. So I did my ritual, my self mothering, self parenting, took it to my journal and felt pretty good with regards to containing and protecting myself.
Still, this feeling did not leave me. Now, you ladies are wives and mothers like me. So I’m asking you, what happens in your life when you feel like this for a long time? What happens in your home? How does this affect your relationships with your spouse, your kids? How will this feeling affect how you are showing up in your life?
That’s right! You are going to be snappy, short-tempered, you will want space and time for yourself, to be alone. You cannot possibly give to anyone when you are empty yourself or when your needs are not met. So here I was, feeling like crap but not really knowing what was the source of it. Until, last night!
Since I practice yoga which, to me, is the ultimate practice of embodiment and feeling connected to myself and true, authentic being, yesterday after my yoga practice I’ve had an epiphany.
Of course I feel like this! I am jealous! It is hard to admit because I do want to feel like I am stronger than this, but c’mon let’s be honest, I am human. We are human! Why are we so afraid of admitting that we are jealous or that we want something that someone else has and because we don’t yet have it, we feel jealous.
Being jealous doesn’t mean I am not capable of achieving that which I want, but my human experience is teaching me to lean into my current situation and where I am right now in my life, and instead of looking outside of myself look within.
Ok so before we go any further, let me tell you why I got jealous. A couple of weeks ago, I have subscribed to two new podcasts someone recommended. One of them is Rachel Hollis’s podcast called Rise, which is mostly for women in business who are working on building themselves and their companies and the other is her podcast with her husband, David Hollis called Rise Together, which is all about creating an exceptional relationship.
I have nothing bad to say about these two podcasts, amazing content, great hosts, interesting topics. Both of these podcasts are all about personal growth and development and being the best version of yourself personally, professionally and also in your relationships.
Up until now, really, you would think, what’s wrong with that? Isn’t that what we all want? Isn’t this what I want? Well, yes. 100%.
But then, here’s what I (my subjective being, my ego) have picked up on top of the goodness. These are the subtle things that are circling at the back on my mind, sucking the life and the energy beneath my feet and the bottom line, are making me feel like crap or not good enough.
Here’s what happened. The last few podcasts were solo episodes of David talking about his own personal life and views and how Rachel is this amazing wife and woman and business owner, and how much he’s proud of her for building all this without really needing him or without needing his financial support. And how much he wasn’t supportive of her vision in the beginning, and how much regret he has. She was right then and she is right now. She is just amazing. And she is!
Now that right there is my trigger. To me this is pain. Here, I admit, I felt so jealous! Why? Because I want that too! I want to be that amazing woman, wife and mother. I want to build this amazing empire that supports my family’s dreams, and I want my dream and vision to take off and be picked up by media, and the news and Lewis Howes, and I also want to be on stage and share my message and inspire women and mothers to be their very best. But most of all, I want my husband to be proud of me. I want to hear him say that about me. I want to know that I have created something that I can be proud of myself.
You know what’s sick and super unhealthy? That he is! My husband is my cheerleader number 1, he’s always been. Even when I was a stay at home mom for 8 years, and haven’t contributed financially to our household, even then he supported and loved me all the way.
But that is my trigger. That is my pain point. The truth is that it has nothing to do with my husband, Dave or Rachel Hollis. It is me. It is my ego. It is me not feeling proud of myself. This is my Achilles heel. This is, essentially what I am working so hard on healing from.
It’s that need to have someone else to sooth my pain, to make me feel better to take the pain away. But that is an illusion, and that is never going to happen until I step up and rise (like Rachel says). It is my job as a human being to learn how to cultivate this sense of pride internally. No one can do this for me.
So, when I listen to podcasts like these and then I feel less than or worse than, it makes total sense. Because here again, I have exposed myself to the possibility that I might get hurt.
So right here, I have two choices. Choice number one, I can keep consuming this content and allow myself to consciously feel hurt and less than – hard to do, but totally possible. Yet, I want you to keep in mind that until I have resolved this within myself, this trigger is going to be activated inside of me constantly and for as long as I feel less than it will leak out my energy out and I will feel small and inferior. Choice number two, which is what I am going to do, is to be in full integrity with myself RIGHT NOW, at this point in time, and admit that I am still working on healing this. I am still working on mothering and self-parenting myself and loving that little girl inside of me that needs to feel proud of herself and the work that she’s doing in the world.
So, what does this mean on a practical level? Unfortunately, to me, this means that I have to unsubscribe from the Rise Together podcast until I feel I can bear this again.
Now, I know some of you are thinking, “yes, but don’t you want to grow and don’t you think that by unsubscribing you are not really healing, but just hiding from the truth? Don’t you think that by pretending like it’s not there you are not resolving anything?”
Yes, this could be true. But I also have to be super conscious and deliberate about what this kind of content is doing to my psyche. Meaning what is this triggering in me that I might not even be aware of? Now that I am aware, I have made the choice – hearing this is not making me a better wife and mom because in my head I judge myself, self-sabotage myself and then I don’t show up the way I want to in my marriege and parenting.
I had to ask myself, is it worth it? At this moment in time do I need to feel triggered or should I be focusing my very limited, fatigued, and healing life force into what matters to me? Into highlighting the fact that I am working on my vision, dream, my community, my message. Or reminding myself that I have a beautiful marriage and a beautiful family that needs me to love myself, not compare myself to someone else.
I guess what I am saying to you here is that there’s amazing content online. I like to think of myself as being extremely deliberate and conscious with what I expose my eyes and ears to. If I see content that is uplifting and helping me to feel good about myself, then I will keep consuming it, but it this content, even if it’s “good and healthy” is messing up with my psyche, I don’t want to be a part of it. Like Rachel says, if you’re willing and ready to change your life you can do that with a high school diploma and a google search bar. But, comparing my year in business to her 15 years in business is not in alignment with how I want to feel and so I have to take care of myself and say “thank you, but no thank you”.
To me this is self love. To me this is living with a strong sense of self and a strong sense of discernment. I know what I need and I am not afraid to walk this talk. This is what I want for my daughters and this is what I want for you!
Yes, this could mean that I am still not strong enough, not bearing enough, not fierce enough. That is ok. I am ok feeling this way. I am human. I am fully aware of that, and I choose this for myself. You have to choose for yourself.
Now, it’s your turn. Do you feel yucky and not-good enough in your life? Most certainly you do, so ask yourself, what is under this?
- Am I living in alignment with my feminine current? Meaning, am I eating, exercising, socialising, mothering, working, playing, etc in alignment with my cycle? Am I honouring my female body and the wisdom of my hormones and female needs?
- What is happening in the world right now? Where is the moon located right now? Are there any major events that are happening in the world and could I be picking up on that energy? How can I protect my energy from that? Try meditating and envision like you are inside of a bubble and no one can get in. Recite to yourself: “I am safe”.
- And then finally, ask yourself, am I living in full integrity with myself? What am I exposing myself to on a daily basis that could steer up emotions of inferiority, not-enoughness, self-loathing, self-judgment, etc? In my experience, social media is something we all do, and we will always do. I think it’s dumb to tell you ‘stop using social media’, this is an unrealistic advice, plus we need to do something when we’re in the bathroom right? But, what I will recommend you to do is check in with yourself and see what is coming up on your feed that could mess up with your psyche right now? Are you seeing too many exercise junkies with six packs, and you are still recovering from emotional eating? If yes, it is a good idea to put that on a hold for now, until you’re ready for it maybe in a couple of years. Delete, unsubscribe, unfollow. Or maybe you’re feed is full of happy couples who are traveling around the world with their families and you just lost your job and feeling like this is triggering you? Delete, unsubscribe, unfollow. Or maybe, your feed is showing beautiful women who are dressed beautifully with the style and makeup and you’ve just given birth and feel lonely and secluded from everyone, let alone feeling pretty. Delete, unsubscribe, unfollow. You got the point.
We all have triggers. It is ok to admit that you have them. Not only are you human, but you are also a hormonal being and a lot of these feelings are surfacing up because of imbalanced hormones and a malnourished body. This is the next level of healing, and I invite you to look at that closely. Until then, delete, unsubscribe, unfollow anything or anyone who you still can’t stand against or contain. It’s ok. I want you to know that I am doing the same.
Choose yourself first. Always.