Today I am going to be vulnerable, open, raw.
Today I will share with you why I do what I do. Why am I so passionate about empowering mothers to do their very best in how they take care of themselves, how they parent and how they show up in their marriages?
Buckle up. It is going to be bumpy.
I will start with a story.
Today my eight-year-old daughter had an appointment with the dentist, she had a tiny cavity in between her teeth that needed to be filled. She loves to go to the dentist and she was ecstatic about being late for school!
Her first dental appointment was at 3 years and I made sure she, and all my girls, have a positive experience at the dentist, which, fortunately, they do. They actually go to the dentist with excitement, it’s fun for them because they know that at the end of the treatment they will get a plastic bag and be allowed to fill it up all the way to the top with toys and dollar store items they are allowed to keep! Sweet!
Last week we’ve had a dental cleaning appointment and the hygienist said she had a little cavity in between her teeth. I agreed to get it fixed and so we scheduled today’s date. What she also said was that my daughter will have to get a numbing shot done, which she had never done before.
Now I know you must be thinking, ‘big deal, so she’ll get a tiny shot. It’s better than feeling it, isn’t it??’
Yes, that’s totally true. But this is our adult reasoning. To our children, a needle that goes into the mouth probably feels like someone is about to cut you or hurt you really badly with a saw. I am not kidding you, that is how terrifying this feels to them.
All you need to do is change your glasses and look at things from your kids’ perspective.
Knowing my daughter’s personality and her tendency to overthink and overanalyze things (I wonder where she got this from), I decided not to tell her about the shot, and wait until the day of the appointment, and just not make a big deal about it. I decided that I am going to allow her to sit in the chair and just see how things unfold. If she lets the dentist inject the numbing shot without a fuss, awesome! But if she is going to experience a bit of resistance this is where I am going to step in and support her.
And so, she sat down at the chair, jolly and excited, asked a ton of questions, and the dentist was extremely kind and patient until the mortifying moment. THE MOMENT OF THE INJECTION. The moment she saw the syringe with the liquid inside of it she started panicking.
Honestly, I was expecting much more fuss, but she simply got scared and admitted that she didn’t know it was coming. And then it all was magic.
This is what she said, and I’m reminding you, she’s eight!
“Wait, I need to get up. I need to walk a little. I need to take a deep breath.”
And she did. She took a few sips of water, recentered herself, had a few tears coming down her cute cheeks, but then she agreed to do it only if I lay in the chair with her, which of course I did. There was a tiny bitty fuss from this point on, but then she took one last breath, opened her mouth and that’s it. It was done. She totally rocked it!
I was so proud, rejoiced, happy and amazed.
Why am I telling you this with so much detail??
When I first became a mom I looked at this precious baby of mine that I carried inside of me for nine torturous months and at that moment I promised her that I will do everything I can to give her that which she needs the most – resilience, strength and the right mindset.
I did not promise to give her the best shoes, clothes, best room, heck, not even the best toys! I chose to give her that which I did not have, that which is the most important to have in this crazy world of ours – the ability to regulate her big emotions.
Today, after witnessing how she handled a difficulty/challenge/struggle in her young life I was brought to tears. My hard work is finally paying off.
Years of educating myself, hiring parenting and mindset coaches and healers, reading hundreds of books on the topic of parenting, emotional healing, attending seminars and online webinars have been all confirmed to be, oh so worth it.
As mothers (and father) we have tremendous power. A power that we often take for granted.
We are raising the next generation which one day will lead our schools, our governments, our hospitals, our spiritual establishments, etc. They are the future of the world.
You and I are tiny specks in this vast universe, our lives on this planet are short and precious and if we don’t use our time wisely we will end up raising spoiled brats who feel like they are entitled to everything, know nothing about respect and humility, and love their computers and phones more than other human beings.
We are raising future mothers and fathers who one day if they choose so, will become the backbones of a family. Will she know how to take care of herself, even when her baby is screaming hours on end in the middle of the night? Will she know how to resolve an argument between siblings in a way that instills love and honoring between them instead of resentment and hatred? Will she know how to set boundaries to protect her children from not-so-well-meaning friends?
We are raising future women who one day if they choose so, will get married and become a life partner to another human being. Will they know how to keep the family together, or will they break their homes because of not being able to handle an argument, regulate their big scary emotions, make compromises, shut up when needed, ask for help or simply forgive?
Will she have the wisdom and agility to say ‘No’ to shiny objects and unnecessary purchases? Will she be able to recognize that certain friendships need to be weaned down? Will she know how to stand up for herself, to set her feet on the ground, to calm herself down when life gets unbearable?
Will she be able to stay true to herself, her passions, her desires even when it seems impossible, expensive or unattainable? Will she be able to build a career for herself with her own hands doing what she loves them most, without being dependent on anyone for financial support?
These are questions I asked myself eight years ago, and the best answer I came up with was – Yes She Will, But Only If I Model All Of This For Her. Before I can teach or expect her to do or have all those wonderful things, I have to become that strong, powerful, wise, mindful, parent/mother/coach to myself.
When we learn how to mother ourselves, how to be kind, compassionate, reasonable, wise and empowered towards ourselves, we are giving our daughters a golden ticket in life. The ticket of spiritual, mental, physical and emotional resilience which is needed every step of the way through this turbulent, harsh and sometimes unfair life.
Do not set yourself up for failure, for disappointment, or embarrassment. Your children are a reflection of you and one day you will look at them and see who you truly are, or were. Make yourself proud, invest in yourself, take the time to take a really good care of your physical health, your mental, spiritual and emotional health. Every time you do so, you are planting the seed in their little brains which program them to do exactly the same when they are in a similar situation.
This is not wishful thinking, this is simple psychology. We’ve all heard the saying, “the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree”.
I think now is a good place to introduce myself 🙂
Hi, my name is Dorit Palvanov and I am a wellness coach for mothers.
I teach women and mothers how to take care of their physical bodies, minds, souls, spirits, regulate their big emotions, handle hard situations in life, and while doing so having the time of their lives!
In my personal life, I am a wife and mother of three girls who are the inspiration behind everything I do, because the things I want for you are the same things I want for them.
Join me weekly over at the Health Begins With Mom Podcast where I bring on guests in the field of mental health, psychology, nutrition, health, and anything related to the family. This is also where I share some of my own insights about motherhood, parenting, marriage, wellbeing, women’s health, femininity, cycle-syncing, phases of the moon, and much more.
You are also welcome to join my Closed Facebook Group where we talk about stuff like this and much more.
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Looking forward to connecting with you!